“Come on Through.”
I stepped out of the elevator into the lobby of the Poughkeepsie City Court, already feeling the weight of the time. 10:32. I was arriving more than an hour after court had already started. As I approached the security check-in point, I fumbled to get my bag open. The security attendant greeted me with a smile and gestured for my bag, easing my nerves. The attendant placed my bag on the tray and slid it ahead of another woman’s belongings–-a woman, who like me, had also arrived late. She looked to be in her early 30s, Hispanic, with soft curls and a casual outfit. The difference was subtle but clear—my dressier attire, the way I carried myself as a student, and, above all, my whiteness. The woman in front of me waited for my things to go through the detector, then finally was able to place hers on the belt.
The male security guard waved her through the detector, and it beeped. He motioned her forward with a firm hand, then used a wand to scan her torso, asking her to raise her arms. A different guard gestured for me to walk through and the machine beeped again. Before I could say anything, though, the security attendant glanced down at my polished shoes and said, “It’s probably the shoes,” and then waved me through without a second thought. The implication was significant: his immediate, unspoken assumption that I posed no threat.
As I made my way towards the court doors, the Hispanic woman was still being searched. Just as I moved to enter the courtroom, a court officer blocked the entrance. His imposing 6’3” stature and stern demeanor put me on edge. “What are you here for?” he asked in a serious tone.
“I’m here for court watching.”
“Court watching? Can’t you watch the court from over there?”
He pointed to a corner of the lobby, his tone sharpened slightly—until suddenly, he broke into a wide grin and laughed. It’s the kind of laugh that implies familiarity, like we’re sharing some private joke. But what is the joke? That I don’t look like a defendant? In all the hours I’ve seen him in the courtroom before, I’ve never seen him regard others with that same familiarity or ease.
He steps aside.
“Of course. Come on through.”
As I enter the courtroom, the Hispanic woman is still waiting.
This was only my second time court-watching. But as I sat on the hard wooden benches, watching defendants file in and out, the pattern was impossible to ignore. White defendants—those who looked more like me—were offered second chances. Just as I had been, when I arrived late. For instance, one young white man, facing a DWI, was sympathetically told by the judge that he hoped he would “get things back on track.”
That day, as court proceeded, I continued to see how some were motioned through, given grace; while others, almost always black or brown, were held back, questioned longer, and denied the same benefit of the doubt.